Gore’s no Manfred Man, but he is blinded by the light, and most definitely revved up like a douche. (Disclaimer:  I know those aren’t the real lyrics; chalk it up to artistic license)

Some say his light is a virtuous one that will grace everyone on planet Earth with its wisdom and foresight.  Others say his light may be very slightly flawed, but the message sent is a good one we should listen to.  Few say his light is a figment of his imagination and that he’s gone insane.  I’m one of those few.

Gore is a man made famous through his quest to ascend to the American throne.  Thwarted by a right-wing conspiracy so large and so invasive (which would still be hidden were it not for Hillary Clinton’s sharp eye in the 1990s), Gore’s fame became legend, and it wasn’t long before the former mild-mannered Senator from Tennessee was cannonized into an unintentionally-burlesque ideologue, using his notoriety to accuse righties like myself of being “digital Brown Shirts.”  Someone should have told Al about Godwin’s Law.

I’m not throwing a stone here, because I’m mildly retarded when it comes to the sciences.  But I think it’s worth noting that Gore:

1. Scored 488/800 and 519/800 on College Board science examinations. 
2. Earned a D in ‘Natural Science 6–Man’s Place in Nature’ as a sophomore at Harvard.
3. Earned a C+ in Natural Science 118 as a Senior at Harvard.
4. Earned an F in ”Theology and Natural Science” while a graduate student at Vanderbilt’s Divinity School.  In all, he earned five failing grades as a graduate student.  Mindblowing…simply mindblowing.

 There’s more bad news regarding his piss-poor scholastic record, but I don’t think it’s relevent or important to harp on a person’s grades without warrant.  However, I have a problem with a man unable to maintain a 2.0 GPA in the natural sciences lecturing the world on how the Earth’s ecosystems are tied into its climate.  And I have a bigger problem with the people who lap up his attention seeking-antics without a healthy dose of skepticism.

He is blinded by the light of fame, by the bright glare of immortality and unending accolades, by the rapid-fire flash bulb brilliance that follows him everywhere.  The light is his God, and he is devout.  In the face of critics pointing out the shameless tactics and fact manipulation he utilized in his Inconvenient Lie; in the face of mounting evidence that Gorebal Warming isn’t the doom on the horizon he told us it was; in the face of waning interest in his cause and his image…Gore plods on, fighting to save not the Earth, but his importance on the Earth.

And now he’s angry because Paris Hilton’s jailhouse drama is distracting dolts like me from [Gore’s fame] our [Gore’s movie] impending [Gore’s embryonic 2008 Presidential Bid] environmental [Gore’s huge intellect] wasteland.   I think he needs to rub the brilliant light of fame from his aftervision and contemplate how he can reduce his 22,000 kilowatt-hour home electricity bill.  And you, my Silicone Sister, should consider the fact that your Manager Mister sold you a bottle of snake oil paid for with your self-respect.